Anyone else have floating thoughts about what makes us tick?
Here' my little ditty:
Remember object permanence?
We were little and it was so fun searching for the missing "whatever"
and it was so cool/fun being tricked when it wasn't where we "knew" it was.
because we knew,
really knew it was there.
it was fun.
It was not an anxious thing unless,
unless, we didn't know (or didn't trust that it was there).
A child without this skill needs to be taught,
it's a real important, essential skill
and object permanence can be taught.
The permanence idea took me away from objects, though;
I started to wonder why it's fun and not anxious,
that something that was just there, disappeared.
I think it may be related to the permanence-ness.
sometimes.
Not with objects, but people i'm attached to.
If the people in my life go underneath a blanket or behind a door,
what if they never come back?
A sad thought? weird thought? anxious thought?
So i ask Susan, and she explains about healthy attachment when we're little.
I know about it generically, of course i do (i was a psych major ;-))
but Susan suggests a Dr. Bowlby, a psychoanalyst from a long time ago
if we don't have a healthy attachment when we're little, we work really hard to figure out how to get it
and I did.
and I still work very hard to keep what I love.
but I still worry.
but she says it'll get better
when I can learn how to trust.
so when each of you hide from me
I'll still get a little worried,
I think I'll always do that
but some day, it'll leave me less grabby/anxious
when I can trust that it's just a damn blanket
"these things happen"
my friends are still there
I am grateful for the people in my life who are not really gone,
even when life covers them up a bit.
peek-a-boo!
