be-ith thyself!

as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he
and ... be true to thyself!

today for the first time, I was observed by my supervisor
doing my first lesson plan.
I was so nervous beforehand.
so I asked my mentor if I could do it for her yesterday
and I did
and then she told me some real good advice
"annick, I don't want you to be me, be yourself, be who ever you are"

sheesh, like you don't have to tell me twice
so I mixed it up a bit and threw in some goofy transition songs
and it went well
and I had fun

and my supervisor today liked this lesson
she said i did "contingency" something well
and "proximity" something went smoothly
and I have no idea what that meant
but I saw she was happy
:-)

we finished up with "moving forward to our next observation"
and inside, I got all worried
and outside, I started to leak worry
and then I did a u-turn
a complete u-turn
and said "alright, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"

ok,
don't just be thyself
be thyself choosing wisely!

have something miss something share something

go ahead ...

ask me how many times I've read a book to little kids?
"ok, how many Annick?"
well, a lot; a whole lot of times
and you'd think I knew how to do this,
right?
well, me too.

it's so simple - open, start, read, look out, read again
... the end

for a class this semester,
I have a project
involving the "concept of print"
well, what's the concept?
-what's a letter?
-what does it do?
-front of book/back of book
-read from left to write
-words carry meaning,
that one got me,
the concept of
"words carry meaning"
has to be taught ?!
well yah, it does

so I gots to thinking
that so many things are "rethinks" for me
that which seems to be so basic a fact
a given, really
in terms of what I know to be obvious
and to not require thinking or processing
(ooh, probably in a philosophy book about thinking)

but for someone else,
it could be a missing concept
and it needs to be taught

it brought me to a wish for me and my loves
so here's a New Year's hope ...
for the brilliance that we all have,
let us share it generously and kindly
and for all that we are missing,
let us be open for help and love

we are all someplace in our story
and I am grateful to have all of you in mine

written with love,
annick

hang in there

hang in there

he doesn't need me to say it of course
what does he need anyway?
not much, it seems.
cuz there he is
hangin' on ... without much.

he looks like he's been there a while
he's got friends nearby
doing exactly what he's doing
just hangin' on
and doing a good job.

sometimes I wonder if could do that
hang on tight, I mean.

doesn't seem to happen so fast
seems to happen quite slow

maybe you've seen my friend
he's a tree on the edge
on the edge of some cliff

you can see his roots
and he's hangin' on
not stressed about it either
he seems quite sure that he's there to stay
it's been a while
so it seems that he's right.

"god created the world because he likes stories"
so says Elie Weisel in Gates of the Forest
I like them too
and I think there's lots of stories to be heard in the Shenadoah
and I'm at "once upon a time ...."

I saw her today

i saw her today
so pretty
so happy
"i love your hair"
i say to her in line at Trader's

off to coffee, for me
and guess what?
off to coffee, for her
for there she was again
(ooh, maybe we can talk)
hee hee

got her coffee
and i got my coffee
and now we're both
by the coffee stuff

"how long have you had hair short?
it's so beautiful"
--there's a man in our middle who giggles
the way that men always giggle
when women talk Women

"oh, i've had chemo so many times
that i like to keep it short now"
just so pretty
so very pretty
i ask, "was the last time a long time ago?"
she says, "hmm, my daughter was ...right, it was 15 years ago."
were the times related?
"not really actually," she says

she grew up in southeast Asia
exposed to bad stuff
and she and her 2 sisters got cancer varieties
part of NIH studies
she likes to talk about this
this is very good for her
so happy
so lucky

so this is who she is
"Life is Good," the bumper sticker, right?
well, i met the one behind it all

sunshine in a person
a little lift as she walks
white hair so pure and healthy
the lines on her face were joy
"life is so good"
she says
"i'm gonna be a grandma soon"

i swear to you
there was a --- swoosh
as she left the store

believe me or not
but i had that same feeling
i imagine that little boy
felt as he saw
Superman lift right up in front of his eyes

i saw her today -
life is good!

annick

Those Sneaker Thingies

i so want to do this,
i try to run often
park at the gardens
and run.

last year, i did my first 5K,
so cool.
MCRRC - Montgomery County Roadrunners Club -
nice people,
all encouraging.

and 34 was last years time.
ok, that was so last years time -
i can beat that.

shoot, but this week,
a bit sick,
coughing and shniffling.
i don't think it's good..
and all my friends all have their reasons
why they can't,
boo!

ok, but i wanna,
i do wanna.
so i wake up,
do what i gotta
and didn't get lost

and there i was,
gonna do it.

then still doing it,
but chest is not so happy
breathing not so good
hafta walk a bit

but i wanna, i wanna
oh there's that couple
i can beat them?
i can pass them.

"YOU CAN DO IT"
(hay, who's that?)
guys call out
i love those guys
who are they?
water
clapping
so nice
whoever you are

at 2 miles
not so great
oh well but gonna finish

there's the finish line
that big clock -
and there's --- 36 mins!
uch uch uch!!
;-(

fine fine fine!!

i still wanna finish
oh well
just a little bit proud,
a bit ..
but mostly bummed
and breathing too hard
close to 37, uch
but i finished

so sluggish

but there's Mike over there
we started together
"so bummed, Mike
close to 37 mins."
:-(

"not possible"
says Mike.
he finished at 34
and he was after me
huh?

but the big clock?
i saw the 37?
not my time?
oh.
that *little thingie* on my sneaks
has my time?
found the posting
32 mins 54 secs -
hay, no way!

2 sec ago,
felt so ick
now, much better ;-)
that's nuts!

turns out
everyone knows
about those *sneaker thingies*
and now i know too ..,
until i forget

so,
from sluggish to leaping
so cool

happy for me?
i know you are
"annick, be happy for annick"
and i am
so cool.

ever notice

from my tree bridge

ever notice about holding on
that you're less secure
less sure-footed
when you hold on.

by yourself,
on your own
foot in front of foot
you're almost there,
just walking.

once the thought comes in -
"hold on"
then,
a little doubt enters,
a little shakey-ness.

so just walk,
foot after foot
no reach out
there you are,
no doubt

Peek-A-Boo

Anyone else have floating thoughts about what makes us tick?
Here' my little ditty:

Remember object permanence?
We were little and it was so fun searching for the missing "whatever"
and it was so cool/fun being tricked when it wasn't where we "knew" it was.
because we knew,
really knew it was there.
it was fun.
It was not an anxious thing unless,
unless, we didn't know (or didn't trust that it was there).
A child without this skill needs to be taught,
it's a real important, essential skill
and object permanence can be taught.

The permanence idea took me away from objects, though;
I started to wonder why it's fun and not anxious,
that something that was just there, disappeared.
I think it may be related to the permanence-ness.
sometimes.
Not with objects, but people i'm attached to.
If the people in my life go underneath a blanket or behind a door,
what if they never come back?
A sad thought? weird thought? anxious thought?

So i ask Susan, and she explains about healthy attachment when we're little.
I know about it generically, of course i do (i was a psych major ;-))
but Susan suggests a Dr. Bowlby, a psychoanalyst from a long time ago
if we don't have a healthy attachment when we're little, we work really hard to figure out how to get it
and I did.
and I still work very hard to keep what I love.
but I still worry.
but she says it'll get better
when I can learn how to trust.

so when each of you hide from me
I'll still get a little worried,
I think I'll always do that
but some day, it'll leave me less grabby/anxious
when I can trust that it's just a damn blanket
"these things happen"
my friends are still there

I am grateful for the people in my life who are not really gone,
even when life covers them up a bit.

peek-a-boo!